


Made Before the Voidfish (Broken by a Voidfish)

by capitalnineteen, Tangerine_Catnip



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, F/M, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 23:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15739062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capitalnineteen/pseuds/capitalnineteen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerine_Catnip/pseuds/Tangerine_Catnip
Summary: For months Lup, Magnus, and Merle have been haunted by the presence of the ‘red robe’. Often showing up after their adventures to offer cryptic and usually unhelpful warnings and advice. Shortly after the events at Refuge, Lup hatches a plan to finally pin this incomprehensible creature down and get the answers to the questions burning inside her. [Twin Swap AU]





	Made Before the Voidfish (Broken by a Voidfish)

Lup opened one of her eyes the tiniest fraction, peering up through her eyelashes at the figure standing over her.

Well, 'standing' was a little inaccurate. What he was really doing was floating over her. Somewhat menacingly, if you asked Lup, which he hadn't. He was draped head to toe in a red robe that covered most of his body, (Another contradiction, there was no flesh there just bleach-white bones,) with the hood covering his head (skull).

Lup imagined that most people would have freaked right the fuck out if they woke up to find a skeleton ghost hovering over them, but for Lup, it was shaping up to be a regular Friday night activity.

She lay as still as she could, keeping her breathing even and shallow so it wouldn't give her away. She could see the twin lumps of her two companions on the ground behind the skeleton. If she screamed, they would both jolt up and come to her aid, but for now, they were both slumbering soundly, wrapped up tight in their bedrolls.

Magnus was snoring, though not quite as loud as Merle. For once, Lup was grateful for the noise, since it gave her an excuse to make her camp a good thirty meters away from them. Far enough away to invite a visit from her favourite skeletal stalker.

Tres Horny Humanoids rarely spent a night off the moon base. In fact, they were expressly forbidden to do so by the Director herself. According to her, it was a security issue, something to do with having people who'd been inoculated to the Voidfish unaccounted for. But Lup had asked around, and that policy had not been in effect before they had been hired on as reclaimers.

A lot of very extenuating circumstances had to occur for tonight to be possible and Lup was not going to miss her chance.

She might have felt sorry that she was going behind the directors back. Except for the fact that this was basically Lucy's fault anyway. If she hadn't laid it on so thick about how dangerous the red robe was to Lup's safety in particular, then Merle wouldn't have cracked that joke about him being her 'Bad Boy boyfriend' outside refuge.

She'd brushed Merle off with a roll of her eyes and an, "Ew, no." Which had caused the red robe to abandon his whole speech and slowly fade out of view.

And while that was perfectly fine by her, (Lup didn't give a single shit about the creepy fuck's feelings) everyone in the damn Bureau of Balance soon heard about her 'breaking his heart' (Thanks again, Merle) and it was starting to get on her nerves. She needed to get some answers out of him. Or at least make sure he knew she wasn't interested? Cuz yeah, she wasn't interested, not even a little bit.

Lup was laying on her back. It was a warm night, so her sleeping bag was partially unzipped. She was wearing a loose cotton nightgown with a lacy neckline that showed off her collarbones. The clothing was part of an effort to make herself into appealing bait. Lup had tried to guess what a skeleton ghost might find attractive, and collarbones were the best she could come up with.

Both her hands were splayed out over her head. Though one was tucked surreptitiously under her pillow, her fingers wrapped tightly around the handle of the umbra staff.

For now, Lup watched, waited, and feigned sleep. She didn't know why the red robe had a creepy fascination with her, but she was hesitant to give up the element of surprise while it could still provide her with some advantage.

Barry watched Lup for a moment. He had a bit of an unfair advantage here, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. Actually, he had a few unfair advantages.

She had the most significant advantage, though. She was Lup.

Every solid plan he'd made to try and help them fell apart when he was around her. She'd always had that effect on him. When they were together, he was better. He was smarter, more capable, more everything.

Apart?

Well, he was dead, hanging out watching her sleep, and she didn't know he'd ever existed. So just real bottom of the barrel status, really.

But, he did have a few things going for him. Like how well he knew her.

"I know you're awake, Lup."

Barry wanted to sigh or laugh or cry or sit down beside her and hold her hand. He couldn't do any of those things. "I guess from this display you must have a plan. Did you want to talk? Either that or you're trying to catch Merle or Magnus's eye. Since you're all the way over here I assume, uh, I hope that's not the plan."

Lup was tempted to keep on ignoring him. Just out of pure spite. But that would defeat the point of the whole exercise. She opened her eyes and glared at him.

"Maybe I like sleeping like this, jerk. It's hard keeping all this sexy to myself, you know." Lup kept her voice down to a hiss-whisper. The boys were heavy sleepers, but best not to risk it. "Besides, you came, didn't you? So it clearly worked."

Lup sat up, keeping one hand under the pillow on her umbra staff.

"Yes, I want to talk. Or better yet, I want you to talk. Start with why you're stalking me."

If he had still been able to, Barry would have taken a deep breath to calm himself. He didn't know why he'd thought this might go better. Had he forgotten how she was when they met, back before the first cycle? That was who she was now. Only worse. She was a twin without her brother. For the millionth time, he wondered if things were ever going to be okay again.

"I'm not... Well, I guess I am. I'm trying to keep all of you safe," he told her honestly. The part he was supposed to play in all this wasn't working very well. Trying to be whoever Lucretia had convinced them he was meant lying and pretending with Lup; things he'd never been good at. The only pretending he'd ever done with her was pretending he wasn't in love with her, and that could hardly be called successful. He needed to be better at it now.

"You probably don't believe me, but it's the truth."

Lup snorted out loud. He was half right. She absolutely didn't believe him, but she was willing to bet that he thought it was the truth. Creepers always found some way to justify themselves and keeping the object of their obsession 'safe' was in the top percentile.

"Uh, thanks? But I can take care of myself," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

Barry floated a little higher off the ground, keeping a tight grip on his emotions.

"My turn for a question," he said. "Why are you trusting me enough to talk? Hasn't... Weren't you warned about me?" He realised his mistake. Gods, talking with her as a stranger was... it was exhausting. He'd never had to face hostility or suspicion from her before. "Yeah, I know. That's more than one question. Just pick one of them."

Lup didn't want to answer. He was the one who was encroaching on her, after all, but Lup knew that if she replied to them, she would learn about things she wouldn't even think to ask.

"Well ghost-dude, for one, I'm not really good at following orders. And like, seriously? I could take you. Lucy thinks you're hot shit, but so far all I've seen you do is float around making scary faces, talking like you got your head stuck in a pipe, and drooling over my body as if you didn't lack some fundamental anatomy to make anything happen."

Despite her harsh tone Barry couldn't help but feel like that was a net positive. She didn't seem terribly impressed with the party line Lucretia was feeding her. But that was Lup down to the core. She didn't trust anything she couldn't see or feel for herself. Including him. The insults and insinuations hurt but she was right. He... was exactly what she said. It wasn't her fault she didn't know.

Lup gave up hiding her umbra staff, he must know she had it on her anyway. She pulled it into her lap. All she would need to do was point it at him if he got threatening.

"And maybe... There's one other thing. I don't know why and every bit of me is telling me to ignore it. But it feels like..." Lup shook her head. She had to focus. He could still be a threat.

"My turn to ask. What's your name? Do you even have one?"

Barry froze in mid-air. Fuck. His name? She had him there, didn't she? Well, it wasn't as if Lucretia didn't know who he was. But he couldn't use the same name as when they'd met before.

The memory of riding in the wagon to Phandalin beside her passed through his thoughts, followed by the last time his living eyes had looked at her - through a wall of flames. Fear and rage and despair wrapped around him.

Lup watched the electricity flash over his form. She tensed up, but she had seen him do this before. Whatever he was doing it wasn't an attack. Or he wasn't trying to make it one, at least.

Barry fought to regain control before he hurt her. If something happened to her... Not near the staff. He didn't know how he could save Taako. The only expert on the staff and how it worked didn't remember making it. He certainly couldn't let either of them disappear inside it as well.

In a moment the red robe seemed to regain his composure, and the temporary lapse went un-commented on.

"Sildar," he answered. "That was my name."

Gods, this was so much harder than he had thought. Lup didn't trust him. None of them did.

"Sildar..." Lup repeated, testing the word out in her mouth. "Fuck! That sounds familiar, but I can't. Why can't I place it?"

"Sildar, Sildar, Sildar, Sildar," Lup said it over and over until it lost any meaning. It was just a collection of syllables that motor memory placed in her mouth. The name of the red robe. One of the two she knew but couldn't reach.

"Sildar, Sildar Ha-, Sildar Hall... ~~Sildar Hallwinter!"~~

Lup heard her own voice twist into a burst of static. She couldn't remember what she had just said or hold it in her brain, but her mouth knew the words. She bent over, a lance of pain shooting through her head. It hurt so much, but she was so close to something she just had to keep going.

~~"Sildar Hallwinter! Sildar Hallwinter! Barry Bluejeans! Barry! I love Barry, I love Barry!"~~

More static. It was like something was stealing the words away from her. She tried to claw them back, but they just would not stay in. It was like vomiting, but with words that she couldn't hear.

For a moment her words made Barry feel more substantial, more grounded, more complete than he'd felt in over a decade.

Then he realised it was hurting her. "Lup!" he begged, "Stop, stop before you hurt yourself. Don't..." Fuck, fuck, fuck. He hadn't thought, hadn't understood. He'd thought that was safe, that long-ago name should have been dust, but Lucretia had taken it too.

Lup didn't listen, she kept on going, she was so close. It was right there. If only she could hold on to it.

~~"I love Barry Bluejeans, I love Barry Bluejeans, I love Sildar Hallwinter! They are the same. Remember! Trust Barry. Love Barry."~~

Pure static. Lup was screaming at the top of her lungs, but the words and the volume were all lost in the single monotone sound. She had to give up to catch her breath. She clutched her umbra staff to her chest clinging to it like it was all that was keeping her grounded.

Something warm and wet was sliding down her cheeks. Lup blinked and pressed a hand to her face, finding her cheeks streaked with tears.

"It won't stay. I can't make it," she said hopelessly.

She looked up at the red robe. She couldn't keep thinking of him with the name he gave her. It hurt too much, but she didn't know why.

Barry searched his memories desperately for anything she could call him, anything Lucretia might not have taken, anything secret or private that wouldn't have been in her damn journals. Elvish, Lucretia couldn't have erased her knowledge of Elvish, right? If it was just a word, just the Elvish word for 'Bear' could she use it? "Morco," he said, desperately, "Just... just call me Morco."

Tears kept streaming down her face and Barry couldn't do anything. He couldn't comfort her, he had no form, and he was a stranger, an enemy. He couldn't do anything without making it worse.

Lup rubbed at her cheeks. Now that she had stopped trying to remember, the unbearable loss in her chest faded. It was always there, but usually not so overwhelming.

"Morco," She tried out. There was no flicker of recollection this time. That was Elvish. Didn't seem to fit him, but at least this one stayed in her brain.

Barry realised he needed to go. This was a mistake. What had he thought he could accomplish? All he was doing was hurting them both. But before he could even start to consider his exit, Lup spoke again.

"You... you didn't ask a question," Lup said, her voice only cracking a little. "So, my turn, why..." Lup forgot what she was going to ask, so she went with the first thing that popped into her head. "Why do I feel like I've lost everything?"

Barry had never denied her anything before, and he couldn't start now. "Because you have," he told her, truth coming out against his will. "We both have."

Lup couldn't tell if that was the truth or another misdirection. But then, she had said it first.

"I'm sorry. I'm just making it harder on you," Barry told her.

"Sure. Whatever."

Lup hated when the red robe got all apologetic like that, especially if he was acting concerned for her on top of it. Why couldn't he realise that she wanted to go down this rabbit hole? If she didn't, she would never be complete ever again.

Before Barry left, he couldn't help adding something for her brother, in case he could hear. "Taako, take care of her."

Lup glanced around for who he was speaking to, but there was no one else around besides the Magnus and Merle. Lup opened her mouth to ask something else, but then she saw that he was turning and floating away.

Lup had to act fast. She dove for her pillow and pulled out a glass orb she had stashed there. Condensed magic, light blue in colour, swirled behind the transparent barrier, pressing against it from the inside.

"Fuck no! You aren't running away this time!"

She sprung back to her feet, lifted her hand high above her head and smashed the glass orb against the ground. It shattered into a million pieces and let loose an 8th level abjuration spell.

The effect was instantaneous. Blue magic drew a ten-foot circle around her, and ancient symbols burned themselves into the grass.

Lup held her breath. She'd never experienced an anti-magic field before. Everything she read about it told her it was harmless to living creatures, but in her experience, magic was rarely as straightforward as the books insisted.

A bubble of magic energy went up, with her as the centre. It was almost entirely invisible aside from a slight shimmer in the air. Where the eyes failed, though, every other sense took over.

Lup let out an "Oomph" as the field settled over her. She felt like her whole body had been dunked in molasses, making everything slow and sticky.

The rippling energy that flowed from the plane of magic permeated every part of the material one, allowing spellcasters to work their art and for unreal phenomena to take place. The walls of the bubble Lup had just made blocked that all out. Magic from outside was repelled, while magic from inside was trapped and suppressed.

Lup could feel her magic being blocked. She could try to cast something, but the energy she used to make it happen would be wasted, and the spell would fizzle out as soon as it left her body.

She could see it starting to affect the red robe. It looked like he was battling a swarm of invisible wasps, flailing and thrashing in the air.

"Don't fight it!" Lup shouted at him. The field suppressed sound as well as magic, so she had no reason to keep her voice down. "It's like quicksand, the harder you fight, the weaker you get."

Finding a weapon that would work on the red robe had been a tough ask. Especially because she had no idea what he was and no one seemed eager to fill her in. In the end, she'd resorted to bribing Garfield The Deals Warlock with a freshly baked lasagna in exchange for the information.

Funny thing though, once he had sat down and she had described what her target looked like, he had cracked a sinister smile and ran off to grab the anti-magic sphere. He even gave it to her free of charge if she promised to quote; 'tell that auction sniping bastard he can suck my furry dick.'

While she had nodded her head at the time, Lup was not going to do that.

Lup straightened up. It wasn't so bad being cut off. But then she was a corporeal being, not made of magic like he was. She was reasonably confident it wouldn't kill him but entirely sure he wouldn't be able to escape.

She might have had no magic to defend herself anymore, but neither did he.

Barry was being ripped apart. The feeling was like when his emotions got the better of him but this time it came from outside, and he had no control over it. His lich form didn't have physical pain, but this came closer than he'd known was possible. Thinking was nearly impossible around the need to remember his anchors.

Holding on _[Lup wearing his shirt, laughing at something she'd said]_ was hard. His essence _[falling asleep on the couch in the Starblaster common room, crushed into a pile with Lup and Taako and Magnus and Merle and Davenport and... regenned after a cycle when they'd lost too many]_ was being pulled away from him.

His memories _[Taako patiently teaching him to swim]_ weren't strong enough to fight it. All this time fighting to keep himself together for Lup _[Lup talking and Lup laughing and Lup smiling at him and Lup, Lup, Lup]_ , and it was going to end here at her hands.

He couldn't let that. _[Lup's eyes when she smiled]_ Couldn't let that happen. _[Holding hands with Lup as they took off together after their duet]_ If she remembered. _[Lup tucked in the crook of his arm as they fell asleep]_ Later if she remembered and knew [ _Lup holding his hand in the wagon even when she didn't know him]_   he couldn't let her see him pulled apart. _[Lup, always Lup]_ He can't leave her with that memory.

She'd yelled at him not to fight it but what else could he do? If he lost hold of everything being torn away, he would be... No. He is magic, but the field isn't trying to take it, just nullify it. A magical item wouldn't be stripped, just inoperable.

To survive, he had to let it shut him down. He had to trust the magic could still hold his essence. There was no other choice.

It was a slow, agonising process but he relented against it carefully. He felt whittled down to something small and faded. Being a lich didn't grant much in the way of a sense of physical presence since it was none of those things. But he was far less now.

He felt ragged and exhausted in a way he didn't know he could be. He didn't know what would happen if he had to hold his emotions. But he was still here. If they made it to the other side of this, Lup wouldn't have to live with ending him.

Lup felt a tiny pang of guilt as she watched him finally give in. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, just keep him in one place. Nothing simple like chains or walls could do that. She needed magic to fight magic.

The light behind his eye sockets dimmed to a faint glow and he sunk down as if he had fallen to his knees. Lup gasped, suddenly realising that she had been holding her breath the whole time.

Lup dropped the umbra staff, (it was useless now anyway) and came over to him. She hadn't found him particularly threatening before, but now she had no problem walking right up to him and sitting down on the grass beside him.

"I'm sorry..."

The words were out of her mouth before Lup could wonder what she meant by them. This had been her plan all along, hadn't it? It was too late to back out now.

Barry felt like he'd run a marathon. He had no lungs, no respiratory system at all, but Barry felt like he was struggling to breathe. A memory he'd forgotten _[his mother counting for him as he used his inhaler the first time, her tense smile relaxing as his breathing eased]_ helped him stabilise. But something in him kept screaming that he was drowning, drowning, sinking under deep, dark water.

Impossibly, in the midst of his struggle, he laughed. He'd underestimated her. He had memories, but she was Lup. "Stupid of me," he told her, "forgetting how resourceful you can be."

Shit. That was a mistake. He needed to keep his head. He was going to make things worse for her if he gave her too much information.

Lup huffed and shoved her hands in her lap. "I didn't have a choice. If you'd just stayed in one place... I need answers, and you're the only person who seems to have any."

What was the name he had given her? Elvish something. She gave up on it and let her voice say what felt right.

"Bear are you okay?"

A desperate noise escaped Barry at the familiar nickname. The grief he'd been holding back tore through him. He couldn't fight it the way he usually would. He had no magic to pull tight around himself. He could only grasp for a good memory, something, anything. _[Lup]_ But that wasn't. It was worse. _[Davenport showing him a complicated illusion]_ He clung to the shreds of his control.

"Don't, Lup, don't call me that," he begged. "Anything else, please." It should have been a reassurance that there was still something there but right now, his control so precarious, he couldn't handle it.

"But you just said? Ughhh, alright, alright fine. Let's just forget names."

Lup shook her head. If she were going to get anywhere, she would have to sort the details that mattered from the ones that didn't.

Fortunately, Lup's frustration with him was easier for Barry to deal with than the familiarity. He longed for the familiar, but he couldn't afford it now.

"Look this is clearly sucking pretty hard for you, so let's make this quick," Lup decided.

Lup hadn't really planned much past this point, so she was officially winging it.

"First thing, first. I'm not stupid. Just because I can't put them together, doesn't mean I don't see the pieces. You clearly know who I am, but should I know who you are? I feel like I know you, but I don't know why."

Entering this conversational territory felt like walking out on a frozen lake at night. Lup was continually trying to judge if her next step would plunge her into the deadly black water.

"Like, I knew that if I spent a night where you could find me, you would, and a voice in my head is saying you'd tear apart everything to be with me. Is that true? Why?"

Lup held up both her hands, shushing him before he could even think how to answer.

"Hold up, better idea. Reply in one word. I think it will work if you just tell me what we were, not that we were. Okay?... What were we?"

If moving weren't a horrible idea, Barry would have shaken his head. Of course, she knew. He knew when he was in a body. Knowing and not knowing, two sides of a coin that flipped either way and you still lost.

Tear everything apart? He'd tried. No. Can't focus on that. _[Davenport showing him how to pilot the Starblaster, the Captain's evident pride in his ship]_

What word could he give her? There was the truth: Coworkers. Shipmates. Friends. Lovers. Partners. But it was all too dangerous. What would it do to her? What would Lucretia do if she found out?

There were lies: Nothing. Enemies.

He could stay silent. Wait out the spell.

But he couldn't lie to her. He couldn't hold back. Holding back was just another lie, anyway.

He answered, afraid he was damning them both but unable to stop himself.

"Everything."

Lup huffed. That was less direct than she was hoping for, but it felt right. Somehow, instinctually, she knew what he meant by that.

Hadn't she just said she felt like she lost everything? Well, here he was.

Lup looked him up and down again. She knew that she had some very unusual proclivities when it came to romance and especially sex but... dang.

"Did you have more, like, flesh at the time?" she asked. "Not that I couldn't see myself getting into this, I just think the fingers might be kind of pokey?"

Lup groaned and scrubbed her face with both hands. "Fuck, never mind. This isn't the time for that."

Lup mentally drew a line between herself and the red robe and wrote 'everything' underneath it.

So that was one thing she knew for sure she was missing. Whatever relationship she had with this dude. One little thing to drop into the 100-year hole that the Temporal Chalice had helpfully alerted her to.

Her next questions would be even harder. She needed to edge towards the truth with her back to it. If she looked directly at it, it would blind her, and she'd risk forgetting everything she had worked to claw back.

"Do you... do you know what a 'voidfish' is?

Barry flinched. "Lup, I... If I tell you..." If they were going to do this, he needed to warn her somehow. He could edge around the information, but he suspected Lucretia had a way of knowing when the voidfished info was accessed, and he wanted to warn her before...

Oh shit. All that time when she'd been saying his name, speaking static.

"Lup, I think Lucretia already knows you're accessing things you shouldn't," he warned, suddenly desperately afraid. [ _Merle's terrible dancing]_ "You can't make her any more suspicious..." He wanted to help her trust him, but if that came at the cost of Lucretia being more suspicious, it might ruin everything. He had to remember the long term. If Lup trusted him, but the Hunger won, it wouldn't matter for long. If Lup believed him but Lucretia ... He didn't know what Lucretia might do, but it wasn't worth the risk to find out.

"Yes, Lup," he answered, in for a penny, in for everything he could tell her, he decided. "I do. And you already know what is going on, but you can't make that connection. The difference between what you know and what I know. And the 'when' of that difference."

"I know you don't trust me and I understand." _[Taako's perfect macarons]_ "I understand that's impossible. But you need her to keep trusting you. Blame it on me, tell her I tried to talk to you and you just heard static, okay?"

He looked around. Would Lucretia come here? What would she do if she caught him? He was trapped and magicless. The fear and desperation were taking over again. _[Taako's jokes in the animal language, the first comedian among mongoose-kind]_

"I need to tell you so much but, Lup, if she finds me? I don't... I don't know what will happen. If it were just me I wouldn't... but... if there's any chance of getting through this and fixing everything that can't happen. I swear I'm just trying to get answers for everyone. The place she's going to send you next is... Lup, it's the worst one. We're almost done but this one? I'm terrified."

Lup sucked in a breath and nodded.

"Yeah, that tracks, she would save the worst for last. If we die getting it, then she's still got all the others."

Lup took a deep breath. She'd thought there was something like that going on, the director always seemed to know more than she should.

"The director won't find us. I got our asses so super lost. She'll have to burn the forest down. Even then, I won't let her take you away. ~~Never again~~."

Lup winced and grabbed two fistfuls of hair on either side of her head. Crying out from the sudden stroke of pain. She screamed in frustration. "Why did that trigger it? Uuugh."

Barry sagged with relief, feeling stronger for the first time since the field went up around them. Lup trusted him. She might not realise it, but hopefully, it would be enough. He hated that this was still causing her pain though. He wasn't even sure what triggered it. There was just so much he didn't know, couldn't guess.

Lup took a deep breath. Calm. She needed to stay calm. But things were turning out exactly like she was afraid they would. She was still stuck on this path, walking blindly into the dark.

"You really want me to keep playing along? Keep gathering the relics with the rest of the boner squad? Is that really your plan?"

"For now, yes. One more time. Then we're down to the wire and everything will... We're almost there, I swear. And I'll be there this time. I'll do everything I can. I don't know how much that will be but ... Everything I can, Lup. I know it doesn't seem like it..."

Everything they'd gone through. It can't have seemed like he'd been doing much. But he was going into Wonderland with them. He wouldn't let them face his relic without him.

"I'll make sure you get through the next thing and then... That's when the plan really goes into effect." He'd make sure he had coins ready for them in case... Lup was walking out of Wonderland one way or another. He could get them through that. He'd make sure they had an exit.

Then the coins could direct them, tell them how to get the ichor. Once they had their memories, Lup could save Taako. They could stop Lucretia before she cut off the plane. It was the best he had.

He looked behind him at the others. Would they go along with her if she worked with him? Magnus had seen the statue...

"Magnus might be more willing to listen to the plan." He didn't want to tell her Magnus's secret if Mags wasn't ready to share. He couldn't directly tell her anyway. "He's coming to the same questions you are, I think."

Lup listened carefully, then nodded.

"M'Kay."

She stood up, went over to her backpack, and pulled out another glass sphere. She straightened up and lobbed it over-hand as hard as she could. It hit the ground outside the anti-magic field and smashed open. This one she had been able to make herself. It contained a simple 3rd level spell every good spellcaster knew. Dispel magic.

Turns out anti-magic was still magic in the ways that counted.

The field went down. The runes faded and the transparent barrier fractured and dissipated.

Magic rushed back in like a breath of fresh air. Lup had gotten used to the feeling of being dulled, but as soon as she had it back, she realised how suffocating that was.

Without taking another look back at the red robe, Lup dropped herself down onto her bedroll and curled up. She tucked her umbra staff back under her pillow and moved onto her side. It was going to be a pain hiking out of the woods tomorrow. She'd sold this as a training exercise to boys, so she couldn't just say they should give up and take a bubble back.

Barry's magic came back. It was a relief to feel the control it gave him returned. But he was being dismissed. She'd barely given him a single syllable. Her back turned. He knew what that meant, and it wasn't good.

"I wish I could just tell you everything Lup," he said. Then he thought, fuck it. She wouldn't be able to understand it, but she'd know he tried.

"That ~~I love you~~ and ~~miss you~~ and hate ~~being separated~~. That I've been a shell of a person for ten years ~~without you~~. That for so long I didn't know where you were or if you were safe. That your ~~brother loves you~~ and that you're going to get through this and find ~~the second Voidfish~~. That you'll ~~remember everything~~. That you'll figure out how to ~~get~~ Taako ~~out~~. That you'll defeat ~~the Hunger~~. That I'll do anything to keep you safe from ~~my relic~~. And that ~~I love you, I love you, I love you~~."

"I promise you'll know all of that soon," he said. He had no heart, but it still felt shattered.

Lup listened carefully to what he was saying, even though she was only catching a few words through the static. When this was over, she was going to be able to remember those words and... do whatever it was she did with her mysterious skeleton boyfriend.

Lup rolled over to face him and beckoned him over with a singled finger. "Come here."

She moved her body in a huge cat-like stretch. She'd already done a lot tonight, and she didn't see why she needed to get up again.

Curious, Barry floated closer to her.

He looked at the end of the umbra staff sticking out from beneath her pillow. He wished he dared break it. With Taako's help, they'd stand a better chance. He just couldn't risk it. Once Lup remembered she would know what to do.

Hovering beside Lup, he remembered the cycle a couple years after they'd all became liches. He died to that damn dragon trying to rescue the light and spent pretty much the whole year as a lich while Lup and Taako were fine. The first night she'd gone back to their room, and he'd floated around feeling like a creep who'd snuck in her window. After decades together, he'd felt awkward and intrusive. That's how he feels now. But so much worse.

She might have been convinced to trust him. She might believe in their history. But she didn't have all the pieces, and it wasn't fair.

"You know what the worst part of all of this is?" Lup asked as she tucked her arms behind her neck and stared up at the stars. She could see both the moon and the 'moon'. It was oddly comforting. She could always see the base, but they were utterly invisible, down in the endless rolling hills and forests.

"Merle was fucking right about us being a thing."

Lup groaned, already picturing the smug look on his face when he found out.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about Merle. I know he'll make it difficult. At least it won't be for long. It's, uh, it's almost over." Barry felt he should take some of the blame for that. He never wanted to make this harder on her. "I'm not good at acting like I don't care."

Lup nodded. She was getting that feeling. She was full of bullshit. It made sense she would need an honest counterbalance in her life.

Barry watched her looking up at the stars. Now that they've come to some sort of understanding - and he had his magic back - this was the calmest he'd been in years.

"Part of me was really hoping we would charge up there together and do... Whatever we need to do. Hopefully not hurt anyone but make it clear we won't be fucked around with," Lup admitted. "I was going to ride the rainbow binicorn my staff summons sometimes. You were going to go all spooky ghost man. It would have been so cool."

"I wish it were that simple," Barry agreed. "It's all so complicated." He wanted to tell her that Lucretia wasn't a bad guy, but he couldn't really say that with any certainty. Not in the middle of this. They could deal with that with this was over, if they were lucky.

Lup lifted the wrist with the silver bracer on it. She glared up at it as if it were the root cause of all the evil in the world.

"I used to think this was cool too."

She waved it at him then dropped her arm.  
  
"I should have realised it was a manacle, not a bracelet."

"It's still a little cool, right? Summons floating orbs to give you a ride?"

He was silent for a moment. "I know you've been through a lot but..."

He had an idea. He knew Lucretia erased his knowledge that he was a lich so probably Lup was in the same boat. But she still knew liches existed. He could tell her that... No. He couldn't. He couldn't say he - Barry Bluejeans - was a lich, so he wouldn't be able to tell her that. But he could let her use the name she could understand, now that he wasn't struggling to stay together. He could give her something at least.

"You remember the name you used for me? You can use it if you want, now. It was... It was hard to hear when I was... Anyway. It should be fine now. If you want."

"Uh, you mean 'Bear'?"

Lup blinked a few times. She was feeling a little sleepy. Talking to the red robe, to Bear, while laying on her back felt extremely comforting if she didn't think too hard about it.

"Sounds like something I would come up with. Let me guess, were you a big cuddly teddy bear? I've always had a thing for guys with a bit extra in the middle, y'know? Like a little squish? I love squish."

She snorted and closed her eyes.

"Hey Bear, one more thing? I've got this song stuck in my head, but I can't remember the next bit...maybe you do?"

Lup started to hum under her breath. There were no words, just a melody. It felt like the song was coming from deep inside her chest instead of from her brain.

She didn't know it, but it was the first song they ever played together. They had put everything they had into performing for the same kind of creature that would eventually rip them apart.

Made before the Voidfish, broken by a Voidfish.

Barry froze. The revelation hit him like a lightning bolt. Lucretia hadn't known how to take that from them. Everything she knew, and she couldn't fucking write music. He wished he'd know that before.

He joined her humming. His voice wasn't good, and his humming was a little off. But if there was one melody he knew, it was that one. The love letter they wrote together.

Lup trailed off when she reached the end of what she remembered, but Barry kept going, filling in the parts that were cloudy.

Maybe the meaning of the song could get around the Voidfish. Maybe with this wordless echo of their song she'd know how much he loved her.

He continued, his thoughts filled with the image of Lup in her dress, holding her violin in one hand, her other linked with his. Their song, projected out to everyone, declaring their love to an entire world before they'd managed to say the words to each other.

When Barry reached the end, he felt certain there would somehow be tears on his face. It was impossible, he knew. But it was everything to him, knowing part of that vital moment was still clear inside her.

"I hope you could hear that," he said. He didn't know if Lucretia had found some way to have the song erased and only gotten part of it. But some of it was there, and he'd cling to that.

"Yeah, I heard it..."

Lup was keeping calm on the surface, but inside, the melody had wrecked her to her core.

She felt like she finally had some idea of what Bear was going through. The endless nothingness that now filled the place where you'd kept all that was dear to you. Her hand felt so empty and holding it with her own or grabbing something didn't help.

Barry was so relieved she'd heard the whole thing. He saw the effect the song had on her. Barry hated to dump these emotions on her that she literally couldn't process, but knowing their song had never had been affected by... He was viciously glad it was safe.

"I feel like the people who wrote that song loved one another so much." Lup took a shaky breath, but she held it together. She'd already cried once tonight. "Do you think they got their happy ending?"

"They did," Barry answered, "More than most. And Lup? Everything will be alright in the end. If it isn't? It's not yet the end."

Barry wondered if there was something else he could use. Something else Lucretia hadn't learned, that she couldn't have taken because he knew it was still in use on this world.

He focused his magic into a solid tendril of power and extended it slowly. He didn't want to startle her, so he made sure she was aware.

Lup blinked a few times at the black tendril he was extending toward her. Her first thought was that she must be asleep, because she'd had this dream before, only with about 20 more tendrils. (At least now the mystery of how she's ended up with a ghost boyfriend was solved. If he could do that...)

The glowing thread of his power moved to trace against her palm. Barry outlined the Thieves' Cant symbols they'd always opened with, to make sure the other knew. First: Keep Quiet, then Be Ready. He paused. They'd always waited for confirmation before continuing.

As soon as he drew the symbols, words popped into Lup's brain. What happened next was a little confusing, but she took the tendril in her other hand and traced her preferred countersign over it. Balsan (to burn) and Ekob (the darkness).

She knew what she was saying but not why. It just seemed like the right thing to respond with.

"Good... I'm glad for them."

And Lup was crying again after all. Fantastic.

Barry gave her three symbols. Two were standards: Safety and Ally.

Then he followed with one that only two people in existence knew. They'd spent an entire cycle refining and perfecting it, neither satisfied with a simple heart shape or another standard symbol. It was a quick swirl like the sign for music and then a circle that encompassed where the 'heart' and 'fate' lines crossed in a palm but didn't touch the 'life' line.

It was part of their stolen years but so was the music, so was everything about their connection and she still felt it, still believed in it.

Lup decided to act as if she had no idea she was crying. It was better than letting it take over.

She knew what he meant, as clear as if he had written it across the sky. But how could she respond? She could feel the weight in her chest, but could she really call that love?

She wanted to repeat the Sigil. But she also didn't want to spoil it by using it when she only felt echoes of what should be there.

In the end, Lup used her confirmation symbol, then inscribed three new ones.

Prepare for a fight. I await your signal. We go together.

For a moment Barry was disappointed. He squashed it quickly before his control could waiver and threaten her.

He hadn't thought it through again. He'd been so consumed with telling her he'd let himself forget to consider her side. She might have echoes of the feelings between them, echoes strong enough to drive tears from her eyes, even. But echoes weren't the feelings themselves.

And that's what made it mean so much when Lup did say those words or share their symbol or any of the things that meant that between them. When Lup said it, she meant it with her whole heart, whole mind, whole soul.

She didn't have those things right now.

But the symbols she did give him were encouraging. He'd cling to that.

He responded. Confirm. We go together. And then, after a pause, he made a final symbol. It was a rare and complicated one, and he didn't think she'd know what it meant, not at the moment. But he wanted her to have it later. In Thieves' Cant, it said something like Life Debt, an acknowledgement of everything someone had done for you, given you. It meant you knew that they had saved you. And an acknowledgement that you owed them the same.

He collapsed the power making his magic solid and rose. "Soon," he promised.

Lup nodded. "I can't wait for this shit to be over."

If she hadn't been taking her training seriously before, Lup had the perfect reason to start. If the spooky ghost man feared what came next, it must be some real deep shit.

"I'll be better the next time we meet. At blowing crap up, mostly. That usually works pretty well as a problem-solving strategy."

Lup snuggled down into her sleeping bag and shifted until she was comfortable.

"G'night, Bear," She murmured under her breath. "Don't get in too much trouble without me, okay?"

She closed her eyes. She assumed that he would leave on his own, but she also didn't really care if he stuck around a little longer.

Then, because it was suck in her head, Lup picked up where she had left off in the song. Humming to herself until she drifted off to sleep.

Barry stayed close, watching over all of them. She believed they were safe in these woods and he trusted her judgement. But they were too close now for him to assume anything.

He was worried about how things would go with Lucretia when the three of them returned to the moon base. When he started this path, it had been based on trusting his family, his partner, to handle this. He saw no reason to stop trusting them now.

Wonderland waited, the most terrifying prospect they'd had to deal with. But if they got the bell out... If they all escaped? He could get his body again. They'd go for the ichor. They could both know again.

Then Taako. Davenport. Lucretia. The Hunger.

The Reaper.

It was too much to consider. For now, he'd focus on the accomplishments he hadn't hoped to gain: she trusted him, she knew there was worse coming, she'd make sure they trained harder to prepare, she had as good an understanding of what is to come as he can give her.

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

If things aren't alright, it's not yet the end.


End file.
